Posts for tag: discipline
Parents should not spank their children, the American Academy of Pediatrics said on Monday in its most strongly worded policy statement warning against the harmful effects of corporal punishment in the home.
The group, which represents about 67,000 doctors, also recommended that pediatricians advise parents against the use of spanking, which it defined as “noninjurious, openhanded hitting with the intention of modifying child behavior,” and said to avoid using nonphysical punishment that is humiliating, scary or threatening.
“One of the most important relationships we all have is the relationship between ourselves and our parents, and it makes sense to eliminate or limit fear and violence in that loving relationship,” said Dr. Robert D. Sege, a pediatrician at Tufts Medical Center and the Floating Hospital for Children in Boston, and one of the authors of the statement.
The academy’s new policy, which will be published in the December issue of the journal Pediatrics, updates 20-year-old guidance on discipline that recommended parents be “encouraged” not to spank. The organization’s latest statement stems from a body of research that was unavailable two decades ago.
A 2016 analysis of multiple studies, for example, found that children do not benefit from spanking.
“Certainly you can get a child’s attention, but it’s not an effective strategy to teach right from wrong,” Dr. Sege said.
Recent studies have also shown that corporal punishment is associated with increased aggression and makes it more likely that children will be defiant in the future. Spanking alone is associated with outcomes similar to those of children who experience physical abuse, the new academy statement says.
There are potential ramifications to the brain as well: A 2009 study of 23 young adults who had repeated exposure to harsh corporal punishment found reduced gray matter volume in an area of the prefrontal cortex that is believed to play a crucial role in social cognition. Those exposed to harsh punishment also had a lower performance I.Q. than that of a control group.
Although the study was small in scope, it can help provide a biological basis for other observations about corporal punishment, Dr. Sege said.
So what is the best way to discipline children? That largely depends on the age and temperament of the child, experts say.
Effective discipline involves practicing empathy and “understanding how to treat your child in different stages in development to teach them how to cool down when things do get explosive,” said Dr. Vincent J. Palusci, a child abuse pediatrician at Hassenfeld Children’s Hospital at N.Y.U. Langone.
The academy’s parenting website, HealthyChildren.org, offers tips for disciplining younger and older children. Rewarding positive behavior, using timeouts and establishing a clear relationship between behavior and consequences can all be effective strategies.
“We can’t just take away spanking,” Dr. Palusci said. “We have to give parents something to replace it with.”
The number of parents who spank their children has been on the decline. A 2013 Harris Poll of 2,286 adults surveyed online found 67 percent of parents said they had spanked their children and 33 percent had not. In 1995, however, 80 percent of parents said they had spanked their children while 19 percent said they had not.
Attitudes about spanking are also changing. Although seven in 10 adults in the United States agreed a “good, hard spanking is sometimes necessary to discipline a child,” according to the 2014 General Social Survey, spanking has become less popular over time.
In 1970, Fitzhugh Dodson, a clinical psychologist and best-selling author of books on parenting, was quoted in The New York Times as saying that many discipline problems could be solved by using his “pow wow approach.”
“It’s my pow, followed by his wow,” he explained, demonstrating how he would swat a child’s bottom.
“I know some books say parents shouldn’t spank, but I think it’s a mistake,” he said. “A poor mother is left with nowhere to go. She’s mad at the kid, has had it up to the eyebrows with him, and longs to give him a big smack on the behind, but she’s been told she shouldn’t. She should, and it’s good for her, because it releases her tension. And the child definitely prefers it to long parental harangues.”
And in the 1945 edition of “Baby and Child Care,” Dr. Benjamin Spock said spanking “is less poisonous than lengthy disapproval, because it clears the air, for parents and child.” (In the ’80s, however, he changed his mind.)
Today, most doctors don’t support it.
A recent survey of 1,500 pediatricians in the United States found that 74 percent did not approve of spanking and 78 percent thought spanking never or seldom improved children’s behavior.
It’s a different situation among legislators and school administrators. Although corporal punishment in public schools is not permitted in 31 states and the District of Columbia, there are 19 states, mainly in the South, that either allow the practice or do not have specific rules prohibiting it.
In 2000, the academy recommended that corporal punishment in schools be abolished in all states. And in 2016, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention published a tool kit for preventing child abuse and neglect that highlighted a need for legislation to end corporal punishment.
But attempts to do so at the federal level have failed.
“I think people see school discipline and parental discipline very differently,” said Elizabeth T. Gershoff, a professor at the University of Texas at Austin who has studied corporal punishment in public schools.
Even so, she added, it’s possible the new academy statement could lead to change down the road.
“It shows we are seeing the beginning of a shift away from believing it is O.K. to hit children in the name of discipline,” she said.
Children “need to know that you have their best interests at heart,” Dr. Gershoff said. “If the kid doesn’t trust the parent, then they’re never going to want to do what they say.”
Common Time-Out Mistakes and How to Solve Them
Time-out certainly sounds like a brilliant fix: A child spends a few minutes sitting alone, and emerges calm and cooperative. Parents often admit that it simply doesn’t work—because their kid fights going to the time-out, cries and calls out instead of sitting quietly, or gets even more worked up afterward. However, according to a recent study from Oregon Health and Science University in Portland, 85 percent of parents who use the strategy make mistakes that can reduce its success, such as giving too many warnings or talking to their kids or letting them play with toys during time-outs. If you’re ready to become a time-out dropout, consider when they will be most effective and how you can adopt other tactics to quell your kid’s antics.
Where did time-out come from?
Time-outs became popularized by reality shows like Supernanny, but the technique was first developed in the 1960s as a more humane alternative to harsh punishments that were common then. Before Arthur Staats, Ph.D., now retired from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, came up with the concept, teachers and principals routinely smacked children with rulers, and parents spanked or whipped their kids with switches. Now—at a time when a video of a kid being paddled at school goes viral because it’s so shocking—most parents are embracing a more gentle approach. After all, decades of research have shown that children who have been routinely spanked are more likely to be aggressive when they get older, as well as to suffer from anxiety, depression, and substance abuse.
But a time-out isn’t benign either. “When your child has a tantrum or a meltdown, she may be overwhelmed and unable to control her emotions,” says Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine and author of No-Drama Discipline. Rather than immediately sending her to a chair in the corner, it’s important to let her know that you empathize with how she’s feeling. Says Dr. Siegel, “Your child actually needs you the most when she’s at her worst.” Most experts believe time-outs can be effective, as long as they are used correctly and in the right situations, especially for kids who are over age 3. “They should be reserved for particular offenses that could cause injury to your child or someone else,” says Parents advisor Ari Brown, M.D., a pediatrician and author of Toddler 411.
Time-Out Mistakes
1. Using Them Too Often
Despite popular belief, time-outs aren’t supposed to be about getting children to think through their misdeeds. “A time-out is primarily a ‘Let’s stop things from getting worse’ strategy,” says Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., a Parents advisor and author of Raising Emotionally and Socially Healthy Kids. Dr. Kennedy-Moore explains, “In the history of the universe, no children have ever gone to their rooms to ‘Think about what you did!’ They’re thinking about their parents’ meanness. The learning starts after the time-out, when you can say, ‘Okay, let’s try again.’ ”
2. Giving Kids Attention During Time-Out
A time-out is essentially a mild consequence. Young kids crave attention, and even negative attention may suffice, explains Dr. Kennedy-Moore. In fact, “time-out” was originally short for “time-out from positive reinforcement,” because Dr. Staats felt that paying attention to a child’s misbehavior can encourage him to misbehave more. “To me, time-out isn’t a naughty chair or a corner of the room,” says Dr. Brown. “It’s simply the lack of parental attention for a short period of time that lets a child see that his behavior led to losing attention instead of getting it.”
3. Using Them for the Wrong Reason
Research from Oklahoma State University, in Stillwater, has found that time-outs work best on young children who are oppositional and defiant by hitting or intentionally doing the opposite of what you ask, but only if you first try milder responses most of the time. When a child is put in a time-out for different types of problems or if it’s used too often for oppositional defiance, his behavior may get worse, says study coauthor Robert E. Larzelere, Ph.D., professor of family science. Little kids who are just whining about the mashed potatoes or negotiating for more iPad time respond better to other approaches. In those types of situations, consider these tactics instead:
Alternatives to Time-Out
The New and Improved Time-Out Technique
If you ask parents how they use time-outs, you’ll probably hear a wide variety of answers, ranging from having a naughty chair to keeping kids in their room. Since Dr. Staats first wrote about time-outs, researchers have changed them for the better, so they’re both gentler and more effective.
What If My Child Refuses to Go to Time-Out?
From Medical News Today
How you speak to your child may fuel obesity
A recent study provides new insight into how language impacts childhood obesity. The researchers found that the parents of obese children were more likely to use direct statements to prevent them from consuming calorific treats.
A new study investigates language and its role in childhood obesity.
Now that 1 in 3 children in the United States are either overweight or obese, every parent is concerned about their child's eating habits. Understanding how and why some children become obese is urgent.
The way that parents behave and interact while feeding their children is known to be important, but the story is complex. Restricting food can actually, paradoxically, increase how much a child eats overall.
Researchers recently set out to investigate a part of this conundrum: the role of language. They wanted to understand how the way in which we speak to our children about what they should or should not eat impacts dietary choices.
Language and obesity
It's a given that the way in which a parent speaks to their child has an impact on their behavior. And, according to the latest research — which is now published in the Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior — this also applies to eating habits.
Lead researcher Dr. Megan Pesch, who is a developmental and behavioral pediatrician, believes that the current study is the first to examine "the impact of parental direct imperatives in restricting a child's intake of unhealthy food."
Currently, there is little advice available on how to speak with children about their dietary choices. As Dr. Pesch explains, "So many of the guidelines are focused on what not to do. There's a lot of emphasis on what parents shouldn't be doing and what doesn't work."
The caregiver-child pairs were alone in a room and were presented with different foods, including chocolate cupcakes.In the study, Dr. Pesch and team — from the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor — videotaped 237 mothers (or primary caregivers) and their children, who were aged 4–8. The caregivers were all from low-income homes, a demographic known to be particularly at risk of childhood obesity.
Dispelling parenting myths
There is a stigma attached to the parents of obese children. Often, people assume that they simply allow their child to eat whatever they want, whenever they want. This study demonstrated that the reverse was true. As Dr. Pesch explains, "They were attentive and actively trying to get their children to eat less junk food."
However, the scientists noted a subtly different linguistic approach. According to their findings, the caregivers of obese children were 90 percent more likely to use direct language, such as "Only eat one" or "You're eating both of those? No! Don't! Oh my gosh."
The mothers of children at a healthy weight, however, were more likely to use indirect phrases, such as "That's too much. You haven't had dinner."
This is the reverse of what might be expected; a more direct, firm message is thought to be most effective when talking to a child regarding discipline, or sleep, for instance.
"Indirect or subtle statements don't seem to work as well in general parenting. Direct messages are usually easier for kids to interpret and understand where the limits are. But there's more sensitivity around how to talk to children about eating and weight."
Dr. Megan Pesch
The authors note a number of limitations to the study. For instance, the caregivers knew that they were being filmed as part of an experiment, which could have altered their behavior.
Also, only individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds were involved, and the new findings may not apply to other demographics.
As this is the first study of its kind, there will need to be much more work before firm conclusions can be drawn. Only then can solid advice be given to parents. Dr. Pesch and her team plan to continue this line of investigation.
"We hope," she says, "to find better answers to the ultimate question of what parents should do to help set their child up for healthy eating long-term."
A Patient called this Bill Gates' talk to a high school graduating class to my attention.
Interesting Rules, perhaps a little harshly stated, but not without merit.
But I wanted to learn more about whether Mr. Gates actually gave such a talk to a high school graduating class, so I found this:
https://www.snopes.com/
Although incorrectly attributed, still good words of advice I think, doun't you?
Next I found this: https://www.youtube.com/
As a pediatrian, the challenge is to find ways to help parents grow their children into mature independent successful adults who find happiness and meaning in life. Isn't that what we all want?!
Allowing our young children to make simple choices and experience occasional failure from wrong choices and postive consequences from right choices might be a good beginning.
A caveat: I do believe in a safety net as kids make choices in life. Running into the street without looking both ways is not a choice option!
Texting while driving is not an allowable choice option; neither is drinking and driving.
There is much for our youth to learn and there is much to teach. Every family will have its own path to tackle this challenge.
What works for you?
Dr. T
I've always thought that How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk is an excellent book about the basics of discipline and communication. This is a good read for all families. Dr. T
